I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
