Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
