My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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