Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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