You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
