Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
