there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
