So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
