He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
