I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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