Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
