Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
