i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
