if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
