My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
