Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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