if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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