literally had 100 drinks last night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize