When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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