Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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