Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
