I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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