i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
