i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
