i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
