I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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