My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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