She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
