I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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