New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
