So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
