Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
