im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had sex on a roof
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
