hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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