we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
