i would punch a child for taco bell
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
