rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
