The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
