a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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