So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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