remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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