ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
