in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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