ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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