just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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