i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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