Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
