we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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