We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
