11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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