You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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