I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
