Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
