Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
