Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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