I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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