why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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