so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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