Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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