not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
