My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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