Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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