im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
