Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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