I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
