Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
