Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You have to summon your inner elephant
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
