I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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