proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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