im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
