you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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