he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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