Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
