the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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