dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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