Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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