The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
