is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
